SCP-2823-J
Item #: SCP-2823 Object Class: Euclid Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2823 is to be kept in a standard humanoid containment cell at Site-19. SCP-2823’s meals are to be prepared to SCP-2823's specifications by a professional chef that is currently employed at a five-star restaurant (see Document-2823-███ for more details). SCP-2823 is to allowed to use a closed-network terminal to compose 150 character “tweets”, Once a tweet has been screened for confidential information and mimetic threats, the tweet shall be posted to @███████████, a foundation-controlled twitter account masquerading as a Donald Trump parody account. The tweet is then to be forwarded to at least 1,000 non-essential foundation employees, selected at random from the Site-19 directory. Under no circumstances is SCP-2823 allowed to read responses to @███████████. Once per day, members of Mobile Task Force Rho-14 (“Same as the Old Boss”) are to approach SCP-2823 as a member of the press, and give a live interview that will be broadcast to all Foundation personnel stationed at Site-19. In the event that there are less than ███ personnel stationed at Site-19 when the broadcast occurs, interviews with SCP-2823 are to be broadcast on the intercoms of all additional U.S. foundation sites to prevent SCP-2823 from breaching containment. In the event of a containment breach, foundation agents embedded in mainstream news outlets are to enact Disinformation Protocol ███-███ in preparation for the arrival of SCP-2823. Once a SCP-2823 manifestation is to be identified, Task Force Xi-3 ("Body Snatchers") is to move in to recover the object, and apply B-Class Amnesics to all witnesses. Description: SCP-2823 is a human male, approximately 70 years of age, who appears to be an exact likeness of Donald J. Trump, 45th president of the United States of America, save for a tattoo on the back of it’s neck reading “Mr. Bernie Sanders, by Gamers Against Weed”. SCP-2823 believes himself to be the actual Donald Trump, despite all evidence to the contrary. SCP-2823 also exhibits a wide array of cognitive and pathological issues that make containment difficult, including extreme levels of narcissism, an inability to form long-term memories, compulsive lying, and EXPUNGED. See document 2823-██ for a complete psychological profile. Additional anomalous properties SCP-2823’s manifest every 24 hours unless the following conditions are met: * SCP-2823 has been interviewed by what he perceives as a mainstream news source, which must be heard by at least 100 English-speaking U.S. citizens. Subjects must be conscious, and able to comprehend the interview. Notably, D-Class personnel are not counted towards this quota. * SCP-2823 has consumed at least 3 meals per day of his request, prepared to his satisfaction by a chef currently employed at a five-star restaurant. SCP-2823’s requests are arbitrary and often involve ingredients that are difficult and/or expensive to acquire. * SCP-2823 must have access to a means of writing “tweets” to the online social media service Twitter, and SCP-2823’s tweets must be viewed by at least 500 people. If these conditions are not met within 24 hours, SCP-2823 will undergo what as known as a “Foxcatcher Event”. At precisely Midnight MSK (Moscow Standard Time), SCP-2823 will vanish from his cell. A television studio belonging to a randomly-selected U.S.media outlet will then receive notification that Donald J. Trump will be arriving for a “surprise interview” within the next 1-6 hours. SCP-2823 will then re-manifest somewhere inside the targeted studio at the specified time, and will attempt to force his way onstage. Note that studio personnel are under no compulsion to actually acquiesce to SCP-2823’s demands to be interviewed. SCP-2823 is indestructible and unable to feel pain. However, attempting to inflict harm upon SCP-2823 will immediately trigger a Foxcatcher Event, regardless of other factors. Recovery: SCP-2823 was discovered occupying a previously unused standard humanoid containment cell in Site 19, on November 10th, 2016, where he was immediately detained by security. SCP-2823 expressed no awareness of his current situation, and instead demanded to be interviewed. SCP-2823’s anomalous properties became apparently 24 hours later, when the first known “Foxcatcher Event” occurred. In addition, Site Director █████████ received the following email shortly afterwards. Dear Foundation, Don’t take this the wrong way. While I used to want to be cool, over time I kinda realized that things would kinda suck if every anomaly and their grandma had their way. I might not like the idea of an all-powerful conspiracy controlling the media and governments of the world, but if the alternative is being eaten by a giant invincible lizard then I’m okay with that. That being said, why the fuck did you guys allow Trump to be elected? Because I seriously doubt that him being elected was part of some master plan. Worst case scenario he starts WWIII and we end up in a nuclear wasteland, best case scenario a lot of poor people and minorities are going to be royally screwed over the next four years. Seriously; get your act together. -█████████, a Gamer Against Weed Holy Heck! You've just found yourself your very own Mr. Bernie Sanders by Gamers Against Weed! Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Who is Dr. Wondertainment? Find them all and become Mr. Gamer! 01. Mr. Literal Serial Killer 02. Mr. Normie 03. Mr. Bernie Sanders ✔ 04. Mr. Get Anything For Free In Any Shop 20. Mr. Sex Number 21. Mr. Heavenly Virtues 22. Mr. Deadly Sins 23. Mr. Original Character 24. Mr. D.A.R.E. 25. Mr. Gentrification 26. Mr. Mad About Video Games 27. Mr. Meme 28. Mr. Ominous (discontinued) 29. Mr. Destiny 30. Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail 31. Ms. Zapatista 33. Mr. Just Has The Tattoo 35. Mr. Finale █████████ has since been designated POI-2823-1. Addendum: On 1/2/2016, Foundation agents embedded within Marshall, Carter and Dark LTD discovered an additional instance of SCP-2823. Designated SCP-2823-1, the instance is identical in most respects to SCP-2823. However, instead of teleporting into television studios, it instead teleports into the homes of MC&D clients and shareholders, whereupon it projects a beam of energy from it's eyes that inflicts chronic innumeracy, an inability experience sexual pleasure, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. The following is a communication intercepted by Foundation personnel. Dear Marshall, Carter and FUCK YOU, You don’t think I know what you guys are up to? Like that machine that disfigures people for the lulz? Or that obstacle course powered by the soul of a dead kid? Or how about that stupid rock candy saltshaker? I mean I knew rich people could be into some messed up shit, but you guys are just disgusting. And you guys wanted me to become a consultant? Fuck You. You guys are everything that’s wrong with this world. I hope you reap what you’ve sown. -█████████, a Gamer Against Weed Fuck You! You've just found yourself your very own Mr. Fuck You by Gamers Against Fuck You! Don't forget to go fuck yourself! Find them all and die you fucker! 01. Mr. Fuck You 02. Mr. F*** You 03. Mr. FUCK YOU ✔ 04. Mr. Get Any Fucks For Fuck You 20. Mr. 7uck y0u 21. Mr. Heavenly Fucks 22. Mr. Deadly Fucks 23. Mr. Motherfucker 24. Mr. F.U.C.K. 25. Mr. Fuckyouification 26. Mr. Mad About Fuck You 27. Mr. Fuck U 28. Mr. Fuck (You) 29. Mr. Fuuuuuuuuuuk Youuuuuuuuuu 30. Mr. Monty Python And Also Go Fuck Yourself 31. Ms. Fuckerfuck 32. Mr. You 33. Mr. Just Has The Fuck You 34. Mr. Fuck and Mr. You 35. Mr. Cee Lo Green